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Our Wankers this Week are the government's Department of Health, and in particular a lady called Yvonne Doyle, who is Regional Director of Public Health for the South East Coast. Following warnings from the Meteorological Office that this summer could be warmer than the last two (and we all know how good the Met Office are at predicting the future and then covering their tracks when they are proved wrong - see here), the Department of Health have come up with their "Heatwave Plan", which urges everyone to be aware of the health risks faced by elderly friends and relatives during a hot spell. The Heatwave Plan advises those suffering breathing problems that although ozone levels increase in hot weather, they drop in the evening. So presumably anyone with a breathing problem should just hold their breath during the hottest part of the day. Yvonne Doyle's contribution is this priceless gem of advice: "Keeping the home as cool as possible during hot weather ... is essential." God, I wish I'd thought of that! Just think, there I was last summer, sweltering away, dripping with sweat, gasping for breath, and all I had to do was to keep my home as cool as possible. Duh, I'm such a fool. Where was Yvonne Doyle when I needed her? The Department is advising everyone to contact their local environmental health officer if they have concerns for themselves or a vulnerable friend, neighbour or relative. Local authority environmental health workers can visit to inspect the condition of a home for hazards to health, including excess heat. This won't do any practical good for the vulnerable people, of course, but it will keep more environmental health workers in their jobs at a time when low-grade public employees' jobs are under threat. It'll also enhance the importance of the middle- and higher-grade public employees whose jobs are not under threat but who'd like a bigger desk, a bigger office to put it in, and a bigger public service pension in return for supervising all these essential workers. Yes, if there's one thing we need right now, it's lots of environmental health officers. Funny thing, you know - I was driving through Norwich the other day and I passed a house with a van parked up in the drive. On the side of the van was a Norfolk County Council badge and the words "Environmental Crime". So it's not just environmental health officers we need, it's vans for them to park in front of their houses. Everyone's entitled to a little self-respect, even council workers. I suppose a few vans is a small price to pay. I don't really know what an "environmental crime" is, but no doubt there'll be an on-the-spot fixed penalty fine for it. It's probably something to do with denying Global Warming. Which is the cause of the coming heatwave. Speaking of which ... I seem to be going round in circles here, so I'll stop. either on this site or on the World Wide Web. Copyright © 2008 The GOS |
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